DAY 8
Woke up at 2-ish, hot, uncomfortable. Breathing difficult, panic. Went for two poos in the space of ten minutes.
Scared to fall asleep in fear that I won’t wake up. Fell asleep to New Zealand mauling Ireland.
Tired this morning, anxious. I try to force out tears which helps, talk to people that does too. Don’t understand. Breathing is okay, chest is tight as it was a few weeks ago.
Alan Vega and Revolutionary Corps of Teenage Jesus- Daddy Died
DAY 9
Got up and the first thing I did was shower, which I hadn’t done in a while. Nice.
Got on with work- some bits took a bit of time- learnt how to us the FTP and got on with Clinton Pro-Res. I worked out the TC issue. I have not number keypad so doing it all manually, which is a worthy challenge. Keep calm.
Nice dinner- couscous, falafel and roasted vegetables. I went for a walk after dinner, the light at this time was nice.
K says it was a MEH day. Find the exceptional. Will start that tomorrow with her.
DAY 10
A nice poo to start and soft toilet roll was pleasant.
INERTIA- A tendency to do nothing or to remain unchanged.
Made good cheese and cucumber sandwiches. My favourite or close to. The first sandwich I remember loving, my education up to that point had been ham or marmite or jam. Crisps sandwich came a bit later. Mum taught me how to make them. Grate the cheese, slice it fine, cucumber or red onion if available. Lots of mayo.
K smiling and laughing. She goes to bed early so our chat is short-lived.
Anna Politkovskaya ‘A Small Corner of Hell’.
DAY 11
Slow day, the connection to the Internet seems to struggle in the morning.
Call from Stevie, catching up and checking in. Nice to see his face and happy he’s in a good place. Like the embrace of new adventures. There is a man content with his lot. I liked that, it gave me desire to try it my own way.
Gandalf meme about porn. It made me proper laugh.
DAY 12
Following Paul’s recommendation I gave some time to listening to the birds this morning. Their singing, chirping or conversing to one another. It felt as I stood by the bins like I was encroaching so I kept very quiet. To me it seemed like it is their time, where you don’t hear man or man-made noises as we are still in bed or tucked away in our homes readying ourselves for the day. So, it’s the bird’s world. Their daily morning, meeting, nattering on. It felt very serene.
Watched Zidane.
Tour-Maubourg- Anyway You Want
DAY 13
Strange dreams of faceless people doing strange things.
Be a better man. Run.
Had a Zoom chat with friends. I was quiet but nice to see them all. I feel okay about being isolated. I’m comfortable.
DAY 14
Went running, spontaneity abound in changing my course mid-run. Madness! The lack of cars on the road meant I can run on the smooth the whole way.
Felt super good upon returning home. Stretched too in the morning, try and keep this going.
The Anxiety Gremlin reared its head. My chest/breathing was tight for no reason. If I had a problem I would not be able to run. I hate it. Again, talking about it made peace in my head when other methods failed. N O T H I N G.
Panoply- An extensive or impressive collection.
James Creber 